Sir & Master Cruz,

So kids with cancer are more important than veterans? Or park rangers? Or NSA workers? I thought the WWII vets at the monument were most important? I think maybe Headstart should be funded before the NIH as those cancer kids are gonna die anyway so why waste money on them? Better to spend our precious tax dollars on kids who are thriving and might actually do something useful with their lives, right? That’s more efficient and gets the taxpayer more ROI. But then again one of those NSA analysts might be on the verge of stopping the next 9/11, so maybe bring that department back online and to hell with ALL the kids and veterans and park rangers and astronauts and food inspectors. No wait, I’m kind of a foodie, so I want my organic kale certified and I sure don’t want E. coli in my spinach. So bring them back and keep everyone else home.

HELP TED HELP!!! txt me asap! and use the Blackberry, not your new iPhone 5c, ok? the bb is more secure. 😉

Your servant,